Have a happy birthday, America! Celebrate safely: keep fireworks out of the reach of those with below an 8th grade education, and reduce the amount of processed beef and pork sausage products you consume. I don’t want to subsidize your quadruple bypass operation with my tax dollars.
More snarky, lengthy posts to come. In the meantime, please find solace in the fact that I’m not poking fun at any of the innumerable things at which I could poke fun this holiday weekend, like Sarah Palin, Orientalist packaging of fireworks, the corpulent national debt, crappy summer movies, the mismanagement of the City of Chicago, the death of un-self-important patriotism, or the downfall of intelligent conversation.